On Monday nights I like to get together with one of my best friends and watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yes, it's a silly show, but even candy for the brain can have a message.
So what message is this over the top show sending out? How about taking responsibility for your actions? I'm not going to waste time giving you a synopsis of the show; if you haven't heard of Danielle Staub, then Google her (Check out blogs that recap the series). Basically what you need to know is she likes to play the victim; she's the perpetual victim. Now, we all know at least one person like this.
I once had an acquaintance who would argue with me about stupid things (like whether a girl could go out dancing at a local club with friends, if the local club was a known meat market). We would both say things that took arguments farther than they should've gone. After one argument I suggested that we drop it and accept that we were both at fault (which was the case) and she went into this rant about how she's always force to apologize (which wasn't my point). Now, I agree it must suck to have to say you're sorry when you did nothing wrong, but that doesn't give you a free pass when you were acting immature. I know in the moment we might not want to own up to our bull-shit but, admitting we were out of line a few days later takes balls. It says that the person is mature. I would've had tons more respect for this acquaintance had she owned up to her part in things, however her behavior was actually the start of a pattern.
Over the course of this season people decided they no longer wanted to be Danielle's friend. Usually this type of behavior outside the chaos that is high school, suggests there is something wrong with person. Most of the time it's nothing major: maybe they're too selfish, or make no effort in friendships, or maybe like Danielle, they are bat-shit crazy! I once knew a girl whose roommates push her off to the side, one by one. I listened as she lamented the loss of each friendship. At first I thought one of the roommates was jealous. Slowly, with each added roommate no longer wanting to spend time with her, it became clear (to me) that the problem was her. Unfortunately, I don't think she ever picked up on it (but lucky for her she moved out and they figured they could manage her from a distance). This girl and Danielle are kindred spirits, it was never there fault--someone stole their friends/turned their friends against them. I suppose in some cases this could be true, however if it happens more than once it probably isn't.
In an old blog post, I wondered if we are ever really blameless. I said, "blaming others, means we give up the power to change." Are we afraid of change? It's hard to hold up the mirror and see our faults, and not like who we are. It's a big step to take, because once we do that--we can figure out who we want to be. Only then can we start taking steps toward that person.
