Own it, bitch!

On Monday nights I like to get together with one of my best friends and watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Yes, it's a silly show, but even candy for the brain can have a message.

So what message is this over the top show sending out? How about taking responsibility for your actions? I'm not going to waste time giving you a synopsis of the show; if you haven't heard of Danielle Staub, then Google her (Check out blogs that recap the series). Basically what you need to know is she likes to play the victim; she's the perpetual victim. Now, we all know at least one person like this.

I once had an acquaintance who would argue with me about stupid things (like whether a girl could go out dancing at a local club with friends, if the local club was a known meat market). We would both say things that took arguments farther than they should've gone. After one argument I suggested that we drop it and accept that we were both at fault (which was the case) and she went into this rant about how she's always force to apologize (which wasn't my point). Now, I agree it must suck to have to say you're sorry when you did nothing wrong, but that doesn't give you a free pass when you were acting immature. I know in the moment we might not want to own up to our bull-shit but, admitting we were out of line a few days later takes balls. It says that the person is mature. I would've had tons more respect for this acquaintance had she owned up to her part in things, however her behavior was actually the start of a pattern.

Over the course of this season people decided they no longer wanted to be Danielle's friend. Usually this type of behavior outside the chaos that is high school, suggests there is something wrong with person. Most of the time it's nothing major: maybe they're too selfish, or make no effort in friendships, or maybe like Danielle, they are bat-shit crazy! I once knew a girl whose roommates push her off to the side, one by one. I listened as she lamented the loss of each friendship. At first I thought one of the roommates was jealous. Slowly, with each added roommate no longer wanting to spend time with her, it became clear (to me) that the problem was her. Unfortunately, I don't think she ever picked up on it (but lucky for her she moved out and they figured they could manage her from a distance). This girl and Danielle are kindred spirits, it was never there fault--someone stole their friends/turned their friends against them. I suppose in some cases this could be true, however if it happens more than once it probably isn't.

In an old blog post, I wondered if we are ever really blameless. I said, "blaming others, means we give up the power to change." Are we afraid of change? It's hard to hold up the mirror and see our faults, and not like who we are. It's a big step to take, because once we do that--we can figure out who we want to be. Only then can we start taking steps toward that person.

What about your friends?

I've always been opposed to the concept of "The Hills;" I'm seriously over "pretty white people with problems" when it comes to tv shows. However, I ended up catching a marathon a few weeks ago and watched a few episodes. I have no clue what season it was, but apparently Lauren and Audrina's friendship hit a rough patch. I was glued to the screen wondering if they would resolve things (they did).

Then there's been the 3rd season of "The Real Housewives of New York City" where two main characters, Bethenny and Jill have had a falling out that has lasted all season and apparently beyond). Both story lines left me feeling uneasy.

They reminded me of the friendship I had with a girl named Antoinette and how at the end of the day I still don't know what happened. When we were friends we really did a lot for each other. I picked her up when she was having a bad day, made her lunch and spent the the whole day with her when I should've been studying for a final. She kept me company when someone close to me got sick. Both these shows made me think about the friendships I have that count, or have counted in my life. Sometimes I do miss the way Antoinette had been before there was a noticeable change in who she wanted be. Don't get me wrong I'm all for change but it's tough when you see someone who has so much potential to be amazing and they just throw it away, for what? It's sad watching a good friendship turn sour.


I'm a lucky girl;in the past couple of years I haven't had any major falling out with any of my friends. With some there have been tense moments but we always work through them. I think that is an important part of having mature friendships. My best friends and I have been able to discuss our issues when we've had them. Our friendships are constantly changing and growing. With friends like the ones I have, I'm not worried about "Real Houswives"-style falling outs. We really know about each other, we care and we encourage each other to grow.

Inspiration from someone I used to know...

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.


--Maya Angelou, 1978

Shame on you, Arizona!

Just a few months ago some idiot go into an argument with me as to why Arizona was a superior state. Not so much.

"It is unjust and it's inhuman, and it violates the civil and human rights of the Latino community ... It goes against all human dignity, against the principles of most Americans I know." — Shakira, on the Arizona immigration law. She was in Phoenix yesterday, meeting with the police chief and mayor.

Gotta thank Jacob for introducing me to "Glee!"

and now

It's been just over four months since my close friend, Ms.G, died. Most days I still can't believe it, and I'm often tempted to ring her. Sometimes I want to hear her voice again even it is just her voice mail.

In this day in age (especially in the FB and twitter-verse) there are so many people going on about how amazing they are. They're constantly seeking the approval of people who are expendable (depending on whether or not they keep up sycophantic behavior), they have no real soul, and suffer from a sever lack of self awareness. At the end of the day it's not about those people; they are ultimately forgettable.

The amazing thing about Ms.G is that she was beyond all of the bullshit. In her professional world she constantly had people sucking up to her, trying to get something; she was smart though--knew when to tell people to back off, but always a gracious woman. She had gumption, and because of that she was able to have so many amazing experiences. She was one of a kind--and there will be people who think they're comparable to the kind of person she was, but they fall short every time. She was a genuinely good person; she didn't do good things because she thought she'd be recognized for them, she did them because it was right. She wasn't fake, she wasn't into people who were. I think she made me realize that there were facades I shouldn't keep up. I think at the end of the day she helped me get out of toxic "friendships". It was good to know I had someone like her on my side.

It's strange to navigate a world where there is a noticeable absence. I find it hard to go a full day without thinking about her. It's small things, the way the sun sets in Los Ranchos or walking around UNM, the places we used to meet for coffee. I really miss the afternoon of her birthday 6 years ago. It seemed so insignificant then, just a picnic under the cottonwoods...

I think the last time I saw her I knew. I said she should go to the doctor--but even then, I knew it was too late. I once referred to her as the chicken soup for my soul(yes,cheesy). Looking back I can't help but know that it's true.

I just wanna dance...