and now

It's been just over four months since my close friend, Ms.G, died. Most days I still can't believe it, and I'm often tempted to ring her. Sometimes I want to hear her voice again even it is just her voice mail.

In this day in age (especially in the FB and twitter-verse) there are so many people going on about how amazing they are. They're constantly seeking the approval of people who are expendable (depending on whether or not they keep up sycophantic behavior), they have no real soul, and suffer from a sever lack of self awareness. At the end of the day it's not about those people; they are ultimately forgettable.

The amazing thing about Ms.G is that she was beyond all of the bullshit. In her professional world she constantly had people sucking up to her, trying to get something; she was smart though--knew when to tell people to back off, but always a gracious woman. She had gumption, and because of that she was able to have so many amazing experiences. She was one of a kind--and there will be people who think they're comparable to the kind of person she was, but they fall short every time. She was a genuinely good person; she didn't do good things because she thought she'd be recognized for them, she did them because it was right. She wasn't fake, she wasn't into people who were. I think she made me realize that there were facades I shouldn't keep up. I think at the end of the day she helped me get out of toxic "friendships". It was good to know I had someone like her on my side.

It's strange to navigate a world where there is a noticeable absence. I find it hard to go a full day without thinking about her. It's small things, the way the sun sets in Los Ranchos or walking around UNM, the places we used to meet for coffee. I really miss the afternoon of her birthday 6 years ago. It seemed so insignificant then, just a picnic under the cottonwoods...

I think the last time I saw her I knew. I said she should go to the doctor--but even then, I knew it was too late. I once referred to her as the chicken soup for my soul(yes,cheesy). Looking back I can't help but know that it's true.